Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
