I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
