Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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