omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
