great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
