Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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