Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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