considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
operation harelip BJ is a go
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
