margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
