even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
