I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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