She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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