All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
