Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
