I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
