wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
