I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I AM VODKA MAN
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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