Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
