when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
