she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
