Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
