i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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