I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
