When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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