OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
