69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
