Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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