Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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