Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
