I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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