3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
