I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
