I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
