She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
