Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish life had little blips of pornography
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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