I could have mohawked her pubes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
