never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
