I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
