I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
