i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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