Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
