I just saw a hot homeless man
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
