I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
