I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
