i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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