I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
