none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
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I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."