If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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