yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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