i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The uberlube is also flammable
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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