i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"