oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
