You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize