Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

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  (810): Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses? http://tfl.nu/v432
  Replies (11) Good night (1081) Bad night (791)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

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  (520): But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions. http://tfl.nu/p23c
  Replies (35) Good night (5824) Bad night (701)
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  (714): View more from California

  he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday

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  (714): he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday http://tfl.nu/odld
  Replies (18) Good night (620) Bad night (6373)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???

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  (407): I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms??? http://tfl.nu/7lb6
  Replies (32) Good night (5382) Bad night (844)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.

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  (609): I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun. http://tfl.nu/l7dj
  Replies (14) Good night (3621) Bad night (838)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.

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  (727): I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights. http://tfl.nu/lg7e
  Replies (26) Good night (1066) Bad night (10357)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.

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  (203): Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good. http://tfl.nu/s47l
  Replies (3) Good night (955) Bad night (2548)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week

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  (813): peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week http://tfl.nu/lvga
  Replies (9) Good night (2416) Bad night (1283)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.

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  (302): NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/6d9q
  Replies (10) Good night (2129) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.

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  (201): I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay. http://tfl.nu/g3mb
  Replies (1) Good night (1565) Bad night (781)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I still make more money.

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  (817): Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions. (214): I still make more money. http://tfl.nu/pibf
  Replies (6) Good night (2556) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday

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  (541): Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday http://tfl.nu/3cvq
  Replies (1) Good night (848) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me

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  (732): I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me http://tfl.nu/tpku
  Replies (3) Good night (1242) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room

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  (506): That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room http://tfl.nu/htix
  Replies (0) Good night (401) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.

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  (250): Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street (250): It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any. http://tfl.nu/mi10
  Replies (1) Good night (772) Bad night (379)

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