just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
