It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
