70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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