I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
