So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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