Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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