I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
