She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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