Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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