Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
