First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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