I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
