epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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