I got chris browned last night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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