they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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