two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
