some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
