ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
