Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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