I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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