she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
