I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
