after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
