you guys were way drunker than both of me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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