call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
