mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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